The Warm Fuzzy Approach

I miss those days where Saturday was cleaning day and you had a list of five chores you got to do, and everybody else had a list of five chores they got to do, and you took your own sweet time doing them together and then you were done.

Welcome to college, baby.

Lately, our apartment manager has been having competitions for our weekly cleaning checks. Normally I wouldn't consider participating in a competition where college women are being bribed to clean up after themselves my favorite way to pass the time, but the first prize winner wins homemade lasagna.

And we're all poor.

So, last week we scrubbed down every stinkin' inch of the apartment for four hours. We scrubbed and mopped and wiped and scraped and vinegared and brushed and chiseled until the place shined like the top of the Chrysler building. And we didn't even get in the top five.

This week, we took a different approach: kissing up. We were the cheesiest, lousiest, most shamefully corny kiss-ups in the whole dang world. We put pictures of Jesus and the temple in every mirror. We put a sign that said "What would Jesus do?" on our chalk board. We put every little quote the housing manager has ever given us on the fridge. We dusted off the Student Living manual and put it on the table to make it look like we've touched it in the last month.

We even started a "Warm Fuzzies" wall, where we write adorable little sticky notes about how much we appreciate each other and stick it on the wall. We had the angelic Mormon Tabernacle choir (playing the only two songs we have) over and over until she came for our check. We all had our scriptures laying out.

Oh, and we picked a few things up off the floor. Dusted a few things off.

And we still didn't make it into the top five! The same five apartments that won last week got lasagnas this week, too. I mean, don't they get a little sick of homemade lasagna?

We're never cleaning again.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lizzie, who took off her socks and threw them on the floor. Oopsie.

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