The 152 Year Tantrum

Every now and then, you are reminded of how idiotic people can be. And you just have to smile and say to yourself, "That person is a child of God."

Like the kids I heard about while going through my high school's new weekly announcement videos (I do that sometimes to catch up on how everyone's doing; sometimes they show funny pictures and stuff. I'm cheesy and stalking everybody on Facebook just doesn't do it for me). I was disappointed to learn that, just like every other year, some loser has ruined it for everybody else by stealing out of a locker. 

Really? What did you take, somebody's physics homework? Good job, kid. What a future. 

And I guess I was kind of an idiot, too, for watching those at 2 in the morning. Waking up for a boring class five hours later was great.

Get my point? There are idiots in the world. 

Yesterday I sat by a particularly amusing idiot in Forum. 

Forum was great. We heard from former Utah state senator Robert Bennet, who spoke about the things he's learned in Washington. It was a really cool address. He talked about how Democrats and Republicans are both right and about not judging the other party without learning more about their viewpoints. 

One of the stories he used in his address was about the Civil War. His introductory sentence got as far as "While America was still being torn by the the Civil War-" when the guy next to me says, "which we lost!"

So meet my idiot. 

Did you know that we lost the Civil War? Wow, I must have been sick for that history lesson. I feel like I would have remembered that one.

Let's think of all the reasons that a person might be under the impression that we lost the Civil War. 

He could be a direct descendant of Robert E. Lee or Stonewall Jackson.

Which is sad, because both were brilliant men who left behind a remarkable legacy and shouldn't be recognized as the men who brought idiots into the world.

He could be from the South. I've heard that the war really isn't over in the South. 

Which is really very unfortunate. Honestly, what's going to change at this point? We bring the slaves back? We give the South more votes? We take President Lincoln out of office?

Geniuses.

Do we realize that this happened 152 years ago? Everybody that fought in the Civil War has been dead for a hundred years! What the heck do people think this temper tantrum accomplishing?


For one thing, it's causing entertainment for those of us wise enough to realize that America won the Civil War. Really, whether the Union had won or whether they had lost, America still would have won the Civil War.

I wish I would have asked for that guy's name. I wish I would have asked him for a quote or something. A quote on anything. The Civil War. The United States government of today. How he's survived this long. How many friends he has. If he knows how to tie his own shoes and brush his own teeth.

So thank you, dear, sweet, child of God. You made me laugh today.


Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lizzie, who lived in the real world, where the Civil War is over. And she boy, is she glad that it's over.